What a difference a year makes..

I mentioned in a recent post that one year ago this week, I made a decision to figure out a way to be healthier. I went to a seminar about weight loss surgery.. I talked with my PCP and she was on board with me getting healthy.. or as I would say to become less fat..

I want to just say- I am thankful for the compliments and acknowledgements. A lot of days, I smile and say thanks. I don't expect people walk around and hand out compliments to me. While this journey is a physical one - I hope my friends know that I am not that vain and a lot of days it's hard to admit that I allowed myself to get where I was. So, thank you for reading my blog and asking for updates and most of all for loving me at my highest weight and my current weight. I truly appreciate it. 

My friend Brent warned me about the haters out there. You know those people. They talk to others about your weight loss "surgery" and the fact that you posted on facebook you wearing jeans 4 size smaller..  I really wish those folks would delete me as a friend or get a life. But, I know that there isn't much I can do but, keep plugging along. Those people are why most people keep surgery a secret. Their sweet lil secret.. Honestly, those people can kiss my..... There is a reason why people say "Haters gonna hate". 

I dated a guy many years ago and his parents warned him the great danger of dating someone fat. I think that is about the dumbest thing to say. But, yes it is dangerous to be overweight. (to clarify I think it was more of social fear than my general health.) Cleary, I remembered that statement and the impact of those words.

So, on the road to being healthy and less "dangerous"..  This photo on the right was adoption day for John and I. I remember seeing these pictures and thinking I will put these pics on my wall with my wedding and honeymoon pictures- Happy and joyful times while being fat and really unhealthy (and dangerous). This will motivate me and remind me that yes, I was happy but, not healthy. Time for a change. A radical change!

One year motivated..  That's how I feel today. We are a few days away from my 3 month surgery anniversary. So, where am I?? I lost 15.2 pounds this month. whoa. WHAT??

Highest weight 353 +

Current Weight 278.4 (I triple checked it!)

TOTAL weight loss 74.6 pounds
BMI points lost  (since highest weight) 11.6

Total Inches Lost since 6/21/13 (Measuring fat is not easy!!)

• Chest 10 inches (3 inches last month!!!!!!)
• Arms 5 inches (In the beginning my left was smaller by 2  inches now they are about an inch apart)
• Bust  7.5 inches
• Hips 8 inches 
• Belly button region 9.5 inches (2.5 inches this month)
• Thighs 4 inches

Where I feel the most difference?  All over but, with clothes my butt and certain shoes. 

Goals for last month

Well, I had to make adjustments. Drinking more water but, not really keeping track. Being more proactive about adding veggies and fruit in my diet.  Working out 3-4 days a week is all my schedule allows right now. I am doing better with running but, I have not ran as much.. For the first time ever-- I am doing the elliptical for warm up. I have improved so much in my working out routines. Makes me feel proud because lots of folks only use an elliptical for working out and it's my warm up!!   Remember what I call county fair days at D1? (click here to read more about my first experience)?? (County fair is where you do mini station work outs for 30 seconds then move on- you can do anything for 30 seconds, right? Sometime, the coach changes the music every 30 seconds.. Intense and good for you!) I am going to say I almost rocked it this past week. I completed most of the challenges or stations and felt good. A great piece of advice from D1 was to eat a banana on my way to work out. Wow, I felt so much better!!!!  

I also had a goal to motivate others when I was given the opportunity. I appreciate all my friends who have shared this blog with their friends who complemtating weight loss surgery. I hope this helps them. When skinny or in shape strangers come up to me and tell me they read my blog, I get embarrassed and think why is that skinny person reading my blog.. Then I remember one day I will be healthy (and hopefully skinnier) and some overweight person will motivate me on why going to the gym is important. For now, I have my photos on my wall to remind me daily. 

Goals this month..  I want to continue making progress. When you look at the numbers and progress this month was incredible month. A dream come true. I saw my pcp the other day and I could tell by her response she was proud of my success. I am too- I have worked hard.  But, I also know there is a lot of people less fortunate than me and I know that I am blessed beyond measure... A second chance on life. 

Mid Month Update..

So for the next 8 weeks I will also be blogging about my experience with "Burn it 2 Earn it". Burn it 2 Earn it is a weight loss challenge that started on September 16th and ends November 16th.  I am not a person that likes to compete. Even with this workout challenge- I feel like my biggest enemy is myself. I think for a lot of people this is true. 

I started working out at D1 one month ago. I really wasn't sure that I really needed this type working out element. It felt a little intense and hard core. But, I worked out 1 day that week-- 2 days the next week and I worked out at D1 4 days last week. I am a believer. I need to be purposeful or intense if I am going to meet my long term goals!

Clearly, I stepped up my game by adding in the workouts. Working out has change my entire weight loss journey. It feels weird to say that but, its true.  I think as humans we don't want others succeed in where we have failed. What a waste! I am thankful that I am surrounded constantly by people who are encouraging me every step of the way.  It's also a key to my success.  This month I have lost approx 7 pounds. I am hoping for 10 pound loss by the end of the month! 

Non Scale Victories...

• I was solidly in a 26/28 clothing at the beginning of this journey. I am wearing mostly 22's and I even had a dress on the was 18/20 this week.
• My balance and physical endurance has improved greatly.
• While all of my workouts and trainings are still modified - my physical ability has improved.
• The whole reason this journey began was because we realize I was suffering from neck vertebrae separation and lower back issues due to weight. While I am have soreness from working out on a regular basis- I am not hurting anymore!
• I zipped up a raincoat the other day that I have never been able to zip up!!!!!!! 

I have also realized the importance of weight training. It's actually a huge part of melting off fat. I know- we have all been told lifting weights will make you gain weight or that it will "make you bigger".. Check your sources. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, a mere 21 percent of women strength train two or more times a week. What you don't know: When you skip the weight room, you lose out on the ultimate flab melter. Those two sessions a week can reduce overall body fat by about 3 percentage points in just 10 weeks, even if you don't cut a single calorie. That translates to as much as three inches total off your waist and hips. Even better, all that new muscle pays off in a long-term boost to your metabolism, which helps keep your body lean and sculpted.  (To continue reading more click here.) (and whoa!)

I am hoping to have a blog more about strength training soon! We started with some weight training this week.. I was so scared of the weight room but, I have decided that day by day I will conquer it. I was also recently told this: "Since fear is mostly about ignorance, the best part is that it's as temporary as you choose." My batwings (arm fat) need to leave permanently. 

Have you ever had a time in your life where you felt mentally "off"? Like everything is going
okay but, you can't seem to get motivated or feel excited? That was me this past week. I wasn't depressed but, I was not roaring to go..  Not a feeling I am used to feeling. I assume it could be a number of things.. I realized tonight that I missed a nutrition class at D1 today. I was so pumped for the class and I had it in my calendar or so I thought. uggh.. Now that I have started blogging I wonder if it's a ADHD issue.. Sigh..   Anyways,  I also spent the weekend trying out a few new recipes.. Here is a sneak peak. This is my breakfast "casserole". (It's healthy too!) I will post the recipe this week. 

Till next time.. 

Do Something Different....

At lunch on Friday with my friend Sarah we discussed how people like to talk about change but most people are not interested in the hard work required to get the results they want.. This quote sums it up pretty well...

My friend Sarah shared with me some of her goals to being healthy and asked me if I had considered a 5k. Immediately-- I went negative in my brain.. Before I could finish my thought - she says you know you will be capable since you are training and working out. Then it hit me. She is right.. Attainable goals are good.. So, if you are not meeting your goals then step it up a notch..  

So, thanks Sarah for encouraging me! Maybe the fitness bug is hitting me afterall.   

Things you learn as you go along...

So, as you go through the journey of weight loss surgery - you are told a lot of things about food.. Most sleeve patients say "with time, I can eat any foods I choose"...

But, I was told these examples by lots of non sleeve patients..

- Chicken is too dry and hard to eat.
(All in moderation for me- I can eat 1 oz/hour)
-Steak is too tough to eat..
(I will take 1-2 bites.. But, I don't enjoy it like before.. Also, people tend to overcook steak. I am with Alton Brown - Check out this video on you tube by clicking here..
-Bread will get stuck.. 3-4 bites and I am done. I feel full!
-Pasta and rice is a no-no  (I am not a rice fan- but if I eat rice it will be brown rice. Pasta- I eat whole wheat only.)
-Soda is a big no (Not a fan of carbonation- I dream of drinking Dr. Pepper one day- but, not anytime soon! I have no desire to diet drink soda again!)
-no drinking alcohol (alcohol is rarity for me - because there is no enjoyment.)
-Salad and raw veggies can be difficult to digest.. (I am eating salad but, since there is no protein - I skip it)
No drinking while eating  (This is true for me and most patients! Causes much pain! Plus it is not healthy for you.)
Chew your food 30 times! (This is pretty important for proper digestion since my stomach is smaller.)

I think folks get the different surgeries confused. There are definitely more restrictions with lap-band and gastric bypass. I had the sleeve surgery. All that means is they took out 85% of my stomach. 

I have not had a "reaction" since the beginning of August. A reaction is when I food disagrees with me. It's a lot like "dumping" with bypass patients (Sweating,  Fatigue,  Dizziness,  lightheadedness, rapid heart rate, Nausea, Vomiting, Abdominal cramps, Diarrhea)  My food triggers continue to be pork (not deli meat or bacon) and sugar alcohols (Splenda and Estevia not a problem). 

From my research the sleeve does not "stop working."  People stop being diligent.  People start making poor food choices. At this point- I feel like I now use food as nutrition - there is no enjoyment- the moment I eat for enjoyment- my brain signals.. I get up and walk away.

Yes, I have made major improvements- still have a lot to learn.. Always, learning!

Challenges along the way..

I know without a doubt my biggest challenge is mental- Mind over Matter..  

I am realizing that it's so challenging to drink enough water- to feel hydrated- especially working out. It's so important but, first off there is no more gulping- just sipping water... 

Then I know I need to eat more but, a few bites and I am full. Something salty like cheap pizza- I would rather drink water.. And something really sweet- is just too much.. I am just a real piece of work at this point. 

And then I start thinking - what if this weight loss is not working.. I know how stupid is it to let negativity creep back-- I should wear a shirt saying I am proud of me-- I have lost 47 pound in 2 months  that is a major accomplishment yet, when I look in the mirror I don't see it. Yes, yes this is something for the therapist. Sometimes I need to be reminded this is my journey to be healthy. That's it.

I also really want to empower people to take back control of their health. Just one step one day.. I know stop laughing - it's a whole lot contradictory. 

And I get people being embarrassed about being overweight.. One of my friends says yesterday- I could never go to D-1- I mean I can barely run 4 miles. I wanted to say without using lots of expletives "Shut up- I have never ran 4 miles- wait I can't run at all! If you can run 4 freaking miles- you can go work out." Negativity hits everyone and sound absolutely ridiculous to the others who are hearing it. 

I have friends who encourage me everyday- one friend who I have not spoken to since my wedding - sent me a card. I have a huge team of folks (probably you) who keeping me going.. Thank you, Jesus. I am thankful- for you- for those of you who encourage me daily- and for Jesus.  

Gratefulness

One step. One thing. Have you ever wrote out a list of goals and immediately freaked out. Sometimes in life we need to simplify and slow down. Summer should be a time where we take time to just slow down.. Lauren has been at Camp Barnabas this week (cick the link to a pic of her). It's been the perfect time get so much done but, my mind and spirit said to slow down. Relax. Take time to just be. No guilt. 

Yesterday, my friend "A" called to check on me. Perfect timing.. She was full of hints and ideas on surviving this phase -- If you remember "A" has weight loss surgery a few years back.. I appreciate "A" because she is real with me. She paid for her surgery out of pocket. She wanted it bad. :) 


Today, I pulled out my summer shorts. All my dresses and capris are hanging on me. It's a good sign. I tried on a couple pair of shorts and thought I am going to try on my capri's that I bought to wear the first week of school... I bought them on sale in March hoping to wear them the first day of school. I am wearing those pants today. No laying on the bed- sucking in my gut just put them on. It's time - time to get over my pity party and the grateful for the progress.. Down a complete size. 

 Being like the Proverbs 31 woman my mind  is nearly impossible to achieve. But, I think really she was faithful in small and everyday things. I bet she was grateful too.  

Inspiration from this blog came from the book called The "Do What You Can" Plan.

A Time for Everything

It's been one month since I started my liquid diet. It's been 1 month and 2 days since I "enjoyed" the taste of food.. My season right now is mourning. Yes, I am mourning the loss of my friend "Food". She was so enjoyable.. She was easy to find contentment.. She rarely did me wrong.. She probably loved me as much as I loved her. We had a lot of great memories.

And now, the thought of "Food" makes me uneasy. Not enjoyable. It's affected my mood. I tell people I feel great physically... Emotionally and mentally I feel "off". Again, therapy was very helpful this week. For the second week - I allowed myself to real and share deep fears. . My friend Sarah also was an inspiration this week.  My nutritionist was helpful by saying I am right on track. My ob/gyn says when he see's me again I will be half the person. My clothes are not fitting anymore. Lots of great things but, I am choosing to focus negatively. 

I am deeply nervous that I will fail. I am eating 500-800 calories a days and worried about failing. In one month, I have lost a pound a day and deep down I feel like I am maybe failing. All because I am stalling.. Come to find out- I am not alone - it happens.. Right at the 2-3 week mark. Time to make another choice and choose to focus on the good.

The fact is we live in a country where we put a lot of emphasis on food and eating. A lot of food. And I don't fit in with a lot of restaurants anymore. Certain restaurants that I loved seem gross to me now..  Food is a new adventure, I suppose. 

So, my goal is to not be so hyper focused on the scale and to trust God and the professionals.  

as always thanks for reading!

My favorite simple Coffee Protein Shake

For those who missed it... Here it is again..

4 ounces of decaf coffee

4 ounces of skim milk or water

2 sugar substitute packets

1-2 scoops of vanilla protein powder (lots of people say chocolate is delish too)

5 ice cubes (more if you like a thicker consistency) 

Blend and drink!

Order me a Cheeseburger with chips and salsa please!

So.. I have had a cheeseburger on my mind lately. I can tell you the last time I went to Five Guys and experienced their burger. (a Friday in May) I am not even a burger fan but, I want one. After researching-- I decided that I would meet John at Chili's for dinner before therapy.  I was not going to blog about it because no one would know I was there. But, was I wrong. One of my staff members was there. I had a couple bites of John's grill chicken... Then the immense guilt came over me. I stopped (and we had planned me eating some chicken all along at dinner). It's how cheating occurs. It feels wrong at first then it gets easier. I want every food decision to be thought out.  One day. One step. 

I think my body is ready for surgery. I am losing a little more than a pound a day. I've lost 17 pounds thus far- I am having to space out my meals and liquid intake.. Today my insurance called and asked if I was ready for surgery. She asked a series of questions.. Are you depressed? suicidal? your routine different? I laughed I said you mean am I surviving without food? She laughed. We are going to be okay. 

We also know that my family has a history of malignant hypothermia. I have spent some time today researching since the medical records I have were from 1986!! If you ever go alone and visit Granny Duckett she will tell you about Johnnie. Johnnie was born a few years after dad. Johnnie went to have his tonsils out in 1961 and had a allergic reaction to the anesthetic and he died. Not sure how but, we later learned that my grandparents were carriers of MH. (very rare for both parents to carry it- I think that was God's way of not letting them blame each other). So, after some further testing it was discovered that our family is MH susceptible. The information I learned about today was really cool but, I want to share the info with my family first.  As I am always reminded Genetic Testing is rapidly changing!  MH while it is rare- as long as the hospital is aware then the proper medication  can be available if you have a reaction. 

So day 10. If I am being honest and I am... I am ready for day 14. A new chance at life. And if you get a chance eat a burger for me. ;)

Never ever have I.

Been in the hospital overnight for myself.
Had surgery.
Lost 16 pounds in 12 days.

So on day 9 of the liquid diet adventure I am asking you for advice.

I will be in the hospital for a couple nights what do I need to bring?