Gratefulness

One step. One thing. Have you ever wrote out a list of goals and immediately freaked out. Sometimes in life we need to simplify and slow down. Summer should be a time where we take time to just slow down.. Lauren has been at Camp Barnabas this week (cick the link to a pic of her). It's been the perfect time get so much done but, my mind and spirit said to slow down. Relax. Take time to just be. No guilt. 

Yesterday, my friend "A" called to check on me. Perfect timing.. She was full of hints and ideas on surviving this phase -- If you remember "A" has weight loss surgery a few years back.. I appreciate "A" because she is real with me. She paid for her surgery out of pocket. She wanted it bad. :) 


Today, I pulled out my summer shorts. All my dresses and capris are hanging on me. It's a good sign. I tried on a couple pair of shorts and thought I am going to try on my capri's that I bought to wear the first week of school... I bought them on sale in March hoping to wear them the first day of school. I am wearing those pants today. No laying on the bed- sucking in my gut just put them on. It's time - time to get over my pity party and the grateful for the progress.. Down a complete size. 

 Being like the Proverbs 31 woman my mind  is nearly impossible to achieve. But, I think really she was faithful in small and everyday things. I bet she was grateful too.  

Inspiration from this blog came from the book called The "Do What You Can" Plan.

A Time for Everything

It's been one month since I started my liquid diet. It's been 1 month and 2 days since I "enjoyed" the taste of food.. My season right now is mourning. Yes, I am mourning the loss of my friend "Food". She was so enjoyable.. She was easy to find contentment.. She rarely did me wrong.. She probably loved me as much as I loved her. We had a lot of great memories.

And now, the thought of "Food" makes me uneasy. Not enjoyable. It's affected my mood. I tell people I feel great physically... Emotionally and mentally I feel "off". Again, therapy was very helpful this week. For the second week - I allowed myself to real and share deep fears. . My friend Sarah also was an inspiration this week.  My nutritionist was helpful by saying I am right on track. My ob/gyn says when he see's me again I will be half the person. My clothes are not fitting anymore. Lots of great things but, I am choosing to focus negatively. 

I am deeply nervous that I will fail. I am eating 500-800 calories a days and worried about failing. In one month, I have lost a pound a day and deep down I feel like I am maybe failing. All because I am stalling.. Come to find out- I am not alone - it happens.. Right at the 2-3 week mark. Time to make another choice and choose to focus on the good.

The fact is we live in a country where we put a lot of emphasis on food and eating. A lot of food. And I don't fit in with a lot of restaurants anymore. Certain restaurants that I loved seem gross to me now..  Food is a new adventure, I suppose. 

So, my goal is to not be so hyper focused on the scale and to trust God and the professionals.  

as always thanks for reading!

Overeating/Undereating

So... since drinking shakes has become challenging I am working on getting as much protein as possible from foods. My body went into starvation mode as some calls it. I was not consuming enough calories and my body was storing everything. So, I started eating at 3--5 small meals. One day that meant two tablespoons of green beans and 2 tablespoons of tuna.  1/4 cup of turkey meatloaf.  Another meal 1/4 cup of refried beans with a few chips. those few chips did me in. Tonight it was 1/2 of a petite hamburger patty with 2 fries. UGGH..  tonight was killer. When I eat too fast or add that one more bite I hurt. I have to physically lay down and let the food digest and move. I am also incorporating peanut butter into my diet. Oh the lessons we learn.

I will be honest... I prefer soups. I can pace myself. They don't hurt. I don't overeat. I have also finally ordered unflavored protein -- So, small steps and a supportive hubby.

My weigh ins will be on Tuesday and Saturday. No more worrying about it. My belly is still swollen from surgery they say and it will take several more weeks to get it back to normal. Plus certain buttons hurt my incision when I sit. That means wearing jeans or fitting pants is out of the question. So, excuse my dresses or my stretch pants.. 

I am ready. Ready to feel mentally and physically better. 

Lots of learning. Thanks for reading and your support.