Challenges along the way..

I know without a doubt my biggest challenge is mental- Mind over Matter..  

I am realizing that it's so challenging to drink enough water- to feel hydrated- especially working out. It's so important but, first off there is no more gulping- just sipping water... 

Then I know I need to eat more but, a few bites and I am full. Something salty like cheap pizza- I would rather drink water.. And something really sweet- is just too much.. I am just a real piece of work at this point. 

And then I start thinking - what if this weight loss is not working.. I know how stupid is it to let negativity creep back-- I should wear a shirt saying I am proud of me-- I have lost 47 pound in 2 months  that is a major accomplishment yet, when I look in the mirror I don't see it. Yes, yes this is something for the therapist. Sometimes I need to be reminded this is my journey to be healthy. That's it.

I also really want to empower people to take back control of their health. Just one step one day.. I know stop laughing - it's a whole lot contradictory. 

And I get people being embarrassed about being overweight.. One of my friends says yesterday- I could never go to D-1- I mean I can barely run 4 miles. I wanted to say without using lots of expletives "Shut up- I have never ran 4 miles- wait I can't run at all! If you can run 4 freaking miles- you can go work out." Negativity hits everyone and sound absolutely ridiculous to the others who are hearing it. 

I have friends who encourage me everyday- one friend who I have not spoken to since my wedding - sent me a card. I have a huge team of folks (probably you) who keeping me going.. Thank you, Jesus. I am thankful- for you- for those of you who encourage me daily- and for Jesus.  

A Place to Belong

I made a decision on my way to workout today- If I don't finish- I will stay for the whole workout. D-1 is a supportive team environment-and I am a part of this team.  

So, I walked back into D-1 today and felt at home.  I am just going to say what I shouldn't say- Yes, yes I am a 290  something pound obese working mother who drives 40 minutes to work out with a group of people in the middle of the day! Yes, the workouts have to mostly be modified for me. But, that's okay. I

showed up and gave it my all. That's what counts, right?  Today, I kept seeing the words perseverance, dedication, integrity, focus and finally pain is weakness leaving the body..  Todays warms up were like last time (Click here to read about my first time at D-1).. But the majority of the workout was very different.. It involved a weight bar lifting, disc weights, sprints and some fancy footwork. I am dead serious when I say" I had to modify it all. I actually made it 45 minutes (maybe 50 minutes) without my body screaming stoooop. You know what's really cool is that your teammates want you to succeed- everyone is very encouraging! It also feels really fun. There are all sorts of athletic levels at my workout.. 

So, if I can do (modified and all)  this YOU can too..  Stop making excuses and start taking care of yourself!!!  The decision to be healthy- is never easy. Working out is part of the decision. It's not easy.. Nothing about being overweight is easy. I believe in you! 

We all have excuses of why we don't work out. But, my friend Andrew says I am going to get the workout bug or fitness training bug and then I will be unstoppable... I can't wait. 

FEAR (just a 4 letter F word)

We fear the thing(s) we want the most. Why is that?  Have you ever been so afraid of failing at something that you decided not to try it at all? Or has a fear of failure meant that, subconsciously, you undermined your own efforts to avoid the possibility of a larger failure?  I mean I am sure most of my readers have experienced this at one time or another. The fear of failing can be immobilizing – it can cause us to do nothing, and therefore resist moving forward. 

But when we allow fear to stop our forward progress in life, we're likely to miss some great opportunities along the way.

A few weeks ago- one my former co-workers asked me if I wanted to work out at D-1. For those of you like me-allow me to explain--- D-1 Sports Training (A Place For THE ATHLETE) is an athletic training complex that does like NFL combines  and they are generally owned by athletes like Peyton Manning, Michael Oher, Tim Tebow and the one in Little Rock is co-owned by Jermain Taylor. I am not an athlete. No one uses that word to describe me. 

And then the stories begin in my head.. I don't have the clothes to work out. What if I am the fattest girl ever to work out at D-1? What if the people there think I took the "easy way" out?  What if I collapse after 3 minutes? What if...... Wait- what am I scared of? Failure? Failure would be not trying. It's mind over matter.  I need to become...

Andrew (who was a UCA soccer player and works at D-1) has faith that this is good for me. He believes in me. Actually, everyone I tell that I am considering this-says that's awesome and I can do it.  When I tell Andrew my fears.. he says just the words I needed to hear:  "Don't. Worry. About. It. Seriously. People come in all sorts of different fitness levels and strengths. As long as you can beat your embarrassment you'll fit in perfectly".  Deep breathes.. tomorrow at 11:00 I have a date at legit gym.. with a real person and a whole lotta work out....

We all know my end goal is to be healthy. Not to be perfect.  One step- one day- pound by pound- the transformation will continue... 

and so As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

A Time for Everything

It's been one month since I started my liquid diet. It's been 1 month and 2 days since I "enjoyed" the taste of food.. My season right now is mourning. Yes, I am mourning the loss of my friend "Food". She was so enjoyable.. She was easy to find contentment.. She rarely did me wrong.. She probably loved me as much as I loved her. We had a lot of great memories.

And now, the thought of "Food" makes me uneasy. Not enjoyable. It's affected my mood. I tell people I feel great physically... Emotionally and mentally I feel "off". Again, therapy was very helpful this week. For the second week - I allowed myself to real and share deep fears. . My friend Sarah also was an inspiration this week.  My nutritionist was helpful by saying I am right on track. My ob/gyn says when he see's me again I will be half the person. My clothes are not fitting anymore. Lots of great things but, I am choosing to focus negatively. 

I am deeply nervous that I will fail. I am eating 500-800 calories a days and worried about failing. In one month, I have lost a pound a day and deep down I feel like I am maybe failing. All because I am stalling.. Come to find out- I am not alone - it happens.. Right at the 2-3 week mark. Time to make another choice and choose to focus on the good.

The fact is we live in a country where we put a lot of emphasis on food and eating. A lot of food. And I don't fit in with a lot of restaurants anymore. Certain restaurants that I loved seem gross to me now..  Food is a new adventure, I suppose. 

So, my goal is to not be so hyper focused on the scale and to trust God and the professionals.  

as always thanks for reading!