understanding Autism

I like so many people would love to understand autism. I don't pretend to get it. As matter of fact, one mama wrote it best on her blog. Raising a hair-dryer kid in a toaster-brained world.. Go read it. It's a good read. 

I met Lauren (Our daughter with Autism) in 2011 and we were instantly buddies. She was living a rough life inside her mind and her heart. She was constantly living in Maddie's shadow. She felt abandoned. Maddie demands a lot of attention. So, when Lauren wanted attention she would pull out all the stops to get the attention. Another blog for another day. 

Rho and Lauren in 2011

I remember John telling me after my first IEP meeting that it was okay to be sad that these meetings are depressing and you lose some hope. So a few months later we meet with a developmental pediatrician- it was time to do IQ testing and such. That day in June was double depressing. Lauren tested at 16 months old. I remember doctor's referring to me as the "girlfriend". I was raising this child but, she wasn't mine. I had a peace that one day she would be mine (legally).  I remember Lauren couldn't even identify a balloon during the testing. Lauren was 7 years old. I told John that day- our kids are not stupid- these test set them up to fail. 

I was pretty angry for just a girlfriend. So, I began the journey I found the psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists and a new school all to help improve Lauren and Maddie. I studied and went to many conferences and kept an open mind.

We went through some really hard times but, we have seen progress and results.

Lauren is 10 and is attending 3rd grade. We have a psychologist we see when there are troubles. He is amazing and connects with Lauren. We see a psychiatrist who manages meds 3-4 times a year. He is also good at understanding psychotic meds.. We are also seen by the autism clinic at Arkansas Children's Hospital. While that clinic is exhausting they have been helpful. We also see a developmental pediatrician once a year.

Lauren with us at the Beach

She currently receives Occupational Therapy for 90 minutes and 120 minutes of Speech Therapy a week at school and we also opt to do another 60 minutes at Hippos and Fish in North Little Rock.
She has a Augmentative and alternative communication (AAC). People with severe speech or language problems rely on AAC to supplement existing speech or replace speech that is not functional. Special augmentative aids, such as picture and symbol communication boards and electronic devices, are available to help people express themselves. This may increase social interaction, school performance, and feelings of self-worth. Lauren is considered nonverbal.

Medication.. She has tried numerous meds but, she is currently on Risperdal (Since last fall we have cut the dose in half), Melatonin (We hope to go off of it this summer), B12 injections, CQ10. We recently stopped zoloft and added in B12 injections and life has changed for Lauren. She is happy. She is more verbal. Recently we had her tested and she tested at around preschool level. Read this line again... She went from 16 months to 4 to 5 years old in 3 years! Again the school caution me that these test are not a good measure for Lauren's smartness. Lauren connected a basket with a picnic. She associates the desert with cactus. She connects wheels with transportation. Yes, she is smarter than the test. 

Since the medication change she is taking responsibility at school- she is more social- she is more verbal - she is doing school work.. She is less angry... Life is good. I am so thankful for Lauren's progress.
My little Bensen is growing up and maturing. This child thrives in my care. I offer her love, discipline and treat her with respect and encouragement that allow her to grow. Yes, we still have meltdowns, the IEP meetings can be depressing and we still love Dora but, the progress we have made is nothing short of a miracle and I will take that. 

Lauren-Age 10

I am thinking about removing all Dora items from the house this summer but, then she shows interest in the preteen disney shows and I think maybe Dora isn't so bad after all.

Autism (with a capital “A”) to me, says that I accept Lauren wholly. I celebrate her differences and her quirky-ness. I advocate diversity. I try to empower her. I am proud of her successes, no matter how small they seem. I hopes she holds onto the compassion's she has in her heart into adulthood. I do not think she needs “fixing”. I am proud thats she is my "daughter", and sometimes I am humbled by that very same thought.

-Adopted Mama to Lauren 

Why I Walk....

Over a year ago two of my friends came to me at different times and encouraged me to join Walk for the Waiting. In my mind I didn’t walk and just because I adopted two kids didn’t mean I wanted to start walking. But, then my husband told me he was going to walk and then day by day my heart open to the idea. I was too “fat feeling” to physically walk last year. Goodness that is embarrassing to just type.  However, my heart continued to be softened for children living all over the world who had no family or home.. So, joining Walk for the Waiting this year was an easy choice. I could actually walk and God had placed the right man in my path to have a heart for the waiting children too.  The stats are out there. If every other church (in Arkansas) would take interest in helping ONE child in foster care then we probably would not have ANY kids waiting for a family. John and I are following our heart to help. Our big reasons for why we walk? Obviously for Lauren and Maddie, the two girls who I call mine through adoption. I know without a doubt their life is better because I am their mom. People tell me all the time but, I know that together we make a family and we love each other! Who am I kidding; my life is so much more complete because of my girls. They have shown me that my faith cannot be put into a “box”. And just because I can’t hear the words they speak I can feel the words through a smile or snuggling on the couch. 

Another reason I walk is no doubt my extended family has shown me love by accepting numerous foster kids in their home and adopting so many I have lost count. (It exceeds 8!) In their community where they live they are heroes and they are my family. 

And then at my job I am reminded why I walk …  I love my job and the 70 children and 13 college staff I spend time with each day. My staff has shown love to a child who is in foster care by building a relationship based on love. It’s such a blessing to experience it. Actually my staff has open their hearts to all the children we work with. All children need love.  Then there is the foster mom who is single and giving this child a home. She is opening her heart and home and then surely I can walk.  Actually the child told me she is so

thankful that her foster mom gave her a closet to store her belongings. That nearly broke my heart to hear. This foster mom is also my hero.

 And so each day I am easily reminded of why I walk...

You can join our team and walk with us by clicking here.

If you can’t walk but, would like to donate then by clicking here.

If you can’t or donate but, you still want to do something please pray. 

How are the funds used?

1) To increase the visibility of children waiting for adoption by expanding the Heart Gallery statewide through the efforts of Project Zero. (I have friends who have adopted through Projected Zero!)

2) To mobilize the church by recruiting, training, and supporting Christian foster and adoptive families and volunteers from local churches to serve children in foster care, both in Pulaski County and in 25 other counties around the state through The CALL. (DHS has said this organization is vital and important!)

3) To provide a third transitional home in Little Rock for youth aging out of foster care through Immerse Arkansas. (Another great way to help children become productive citizens!)  

Our adoption story

Our first trip to Mena

Most of my friends know that I prior to my first date with John he revealed over email that our relationship may not go far because he was committed to raising his 2 girls who had profound special needs. I remember I was staying at my friend Julie's house when I read the email. I thought how on earth can I not meet him. I want to meet the man who is the special needs single dad. That following Friday we had our first date. I knew almost instantly God had been preparing me for to meet John. I didn't really know a lot about special needs kids and my experience had been very minimal. A short time later I met both girls. John was convinced I would keep our relationship to just "friendship" once I walk in to his world.  

Spring 2012  Photo by: Crystal Goss

At some point early in our relationship several people close to me would ask me do you think Maddie is John's biological child??  I said of course.. She looks like her mom. (I was blinded by love.) John revealed several months later in to our relationship that Maddie was not his biological child. I was in shocked. I can tell you everything about that moment. He was fearful I might not love her the same or that I would think he was crazy. Well, what happen was it made me realize that it made me love and respect him even more. 

Everyone knows Maddie is a daddy's girl. She loves me and I love her but, her heart belongs to daddy. Lauren is my girl. Lauren and I have some sort of bond that is unexplainable. 

Bridals 2012

 It was important to me that when John felt comfortable with the idea, I wanted to legally adopt the girls. As most of you know the process of adoption is not cheap. There are lots of people who wrote letters to the judge on our behalf. My friend Jayme helped us with the homestudy for the adoption. Our lawyer (Frank) was very helpful in us getting all the right documents together. I should tell you that  not one of our friends would not accept money for their expenses. (Adoptions paperwork minus their fees from the work is still expensive!)

Adoption Day with Judge Huckabee

On October 23, 2012 my life was changed again. I became officially Mama Rho. (In the nanny world I was Nanny Rho.) John legally became Maddie's dad. Those are titles that make life easier from a legal standpoint. 

Maddie and Me Sept. 2013

Lauren and Me Seattle 2013

The decisions and choices that special needs parents make are hard. I could not be a parent without believing in God. It's that simple for me.  I am grateful that John said yes. I am thankful for Maddie and Lauren's biological mom. I am blessed by the support and acceptance of my friends and our family during our good (and bad) times. 

Happy Adoption Day to us! God is good!

What a difference a year makes..

I mentioned in a recent post that one year ago this week, I made a decision to figure out a way to be healthier. I went to a seminar about weight loss surgery.. I talked with my PCP and she was on board with me getting healthy.. or as I would say to become less fat..

I want to just say- I am thankful for the compliments and acknowledgements. A lot of days, I smile and say thanks. I don't expect people walk around and hand out compliments to me. While this journey is a physical one - I hope my friends know that I am not that vain and a lot of days it's hard to admit that I allowed myself to get where I was. So, thank you for reading my blog and asking for updates and most of all for loving me at my highest weight and my current weight. I truly appreciate it. 

My friend Brent warned me about the haters out there. You know those people. They talk to others about your weight loss "surgery" and the fact that you posted on facebook you wearing jeans 4 size smaller..  I really wish those folks would delete me as a friend or get a life. But, I know that there isn't much I can do but, keep plugging along. Those people are why most people keep surgery a secret. Their sweet lil secret.. Honestly, those people can kiss my..... There is a reason why people say "Haters gonna hate". 

I dated a guy many years ago and his parents warned him the great danger of dating someone fat. I think that is about the dumbest thing to say. But, yes it is dangerous to be overweight. (to clarify I think it was more of social fear than my general health.) Cleary, I remembered that statement and the impact of those words.

So, on the road to being healthy and less "dangerous"..  This photo on the right was adoption day for John and I. I remember seeing these pictures and thinking I will put these pics on my wall with my wedding and honeymoon pictures- Happy and joyful times while being fat and really unhealthy (and dangerous). This will motivate me and remind me that yes, I was happy but, not healthy. Time for a change. A radical change!

One year motivated..  That's how I feel today. We are a few days away from my 3 month surgery anniversary. So, where am I?? I lost 15.2 pounds this month. whoa. WHAT??

Highest weight 353 +

Current Weight 278.4 (I triple checked it!)

TOTAL weight loss 74.6 pounds
BMI points lost  (since highest weight) 11.6

Total Inches Lost since 6/21/13 (Measuring fat is not easy!!)

• Chest 10 inches (3 inches last month!!!!!!)
• Arms 5 inches (In the beginning my left was smaller by 2  inches now they are about an inch apart)
• Bust  7.5 inches
• Hips 8 inches 
• Belly button region 9.5 inches (2.5 inches this month)
• Thighs 4 inches

Where I feel the most difference?  All over but, with clothes my butt and certain shoes. 

Goals for last month

Well, I had to make adjustments. Drinking more water but, not really keeping track. Being more proactive about adding veggies and fruit in my diet.  Working out 3-4 days a week is all my schedule allows right now. I am doing better with running but, I have not ran as much.. For the first time ever-- I am doing the elliptical for warm up. I have improved so much in my working out routines. Makes me feel proud because lots of folks only use an elliptical for working out and it's my warm up!!   Remember what I call county fair days at D1? (click here to read more about my first experience)?? (County fair is where you do mini station work outs for 30 seconds then move on- you can do anything for 30 seconds, right? Sometime, the coach changes the music every 30 seconds.. Intense and good for you!) I am going to say I almost rocked it this past week. I completed most of the challenges or stations and felt good. A great piece of advice from D1 was to eat a banana on my way to work out. Wow, I felt so much better!!!!  

I also had a goal to motivate others when I was given the opportunity. I appreciate all my friends who have shared this blog with their friends who complemtating weight loss surgery. I hope this helps them. When skinny or in shape strangers come up to me and tell me they read my blog, I get embarrassed and think why is that skinny person reading my blog.. Then I remember one day I will be healthy (and hopefully skinnier) and some overweight person will motivate me on why going to the gym is important. For now, I have my photos on my wall to remind me daily. 

Goals this month..  I want to continue making progress. When you look at the numbers and progress this month was incredible month. A dream come true. I saw my pcp the other day and I could tell by her response she was proud of my success. I am too- I have worked hard.  But, I also know there is a lot of people less fortunate than me and I know that I am blessed beyond measure... A second chance on life. 

Adoption Day!

We (legally) adopted the girls on October 23^rd! What a joyous day. However, after looking at the pictures from the event – I am so depressed. I look so fat and I don’t feel that great. Motivation to forward.  Time to get unfat- right?

Meet my fantastic husband - John

A typical family photo.. Maddie loving her ipod. Lauren with her grass.