Mama said there'll be days like this...

Today was rough... Not sure if I can say why but, it was.. 

7:30 am..  Knocking on the door.. Is the babysitter early? Another solicitor? I put on my robe and a young

mans says "A man drove by and his tire came off and went through your fence." I look at him and I am like "what?" So, I go out in the back yard and find this. Call the police for a report...  Thank the Lord there was no in the way of the tire!!!

Then it was time.. Time to the doctor for follow up from you know that weight loss surgery I had three weeks ago.. He said "You are making great progress... 22 pounds since surgery is awesome..." We also discussed my problems with my adderall. Apparently, we need to adjust it because my body is not "processing" the XR component. So, I am not crazy.  I was diagnosed with ADHD a while back. You can read that blog here. My life is so much better with meds. I also can start working out for real in a few weeks!

Then lunch with my sister was a delight.  She is all grown up and studying Nuclear Medicine Technology.

And it's Wednesday. Therapy day. I enjoy therapy time.. Several things are going on with our family.. Please pray for us that timing of things will work out...  As for now- I will be thankful for the 22 lbs gone! 

Today is the last day of July... Tomorrow means game on for me... Summer break is almost over... 

A Time for Everything

It's been one month since I started my liquid diet. It's been 1 month and 2 days since I "enjoyed" the taste of food.. My season right now is mourning. Yes, I am mourning the loss of my friend "Food". She was so enjoyable.. She was easy to find contentment.. She rarely did me wrong.. She probably loved me as much as I loved her. We had a lot of great memories.

And now, the thought of "Food" makes me uneasy. Not enjoyable. It's affected my mood. I tell people I feel great physically... Emotionally and mentally I feel "off". Again, therapy was very helpful this week. For the second week - I allowed myself to real and share deep fears. . My friend Sarah also was an inspiration this week.  My nutritionist was helpful by saying I am right on track. My ob/gyn says when he see's me again I will be half the person. My clothes are not fitting anymore. Lots of great things but, I am choosing to focus negatively. 

I am deeply nervous that I will fail. I am eating 500-800 calories a days and worried about failing. In one month, I have lost a pound a day and deep down I feel like I am maybe failing. All because I am stalling.. Come to find out- I am not alone - it happens.. Right at the 2-3 week mark. Time to make another choice and choose to focus on the good.

The fact is we live in a country where we put a lot of emphasis on food and eating. A lot of food. And I don't fit in with a lot of restaurants anymore. Certain restaurants that I loved seem gross to me now..  Food is a new adventure, I suppose. 

So, my goal is to not be so hyper focused on the scale and to trust God and the professionals.  

as always thanks for reading!

Cooking for my family through weight loss surgery

Don't be surprised that my husband does 89% of the cooking. I usually get home late and John has dinner at the table waiting. No, he is not a stay at home dad. He works a stressful high security job dealing with government stuff. When I met my husband he was raising 2 special needs girls.. alone. Lauren is his daughter.. Lauren's half sister is Maddie. Maddie's father is unknown.. If you ask my husband he says she belongs to him. He cooked, shopped, did laundry and manage the girls appointments and worked.  His family is so supportive but, out of state.  Yes, I married an amazing man. 

So, one of my oldest friends called to check on me the other day. She has celiacs disease. (A disease in which chronic failure to digest food is triggered by hypersensitivity of the small intestine to gluten.) My friend (Sy) she said a lot of really sweet things but, she told me this: You will learn to eat differently while your family eats what you prepared for them out of love. You will find enjoyment in cooking for your family. My therapist says this was good advice.. This keeps you healthy and a chance to live a long healthy life by eating healthy. 

So-- I've done just that. Cooking for my family all while I am feeling full from my 1/8 of cup of food. Thanks Sy for speaking truth to me.

Day 3 of Post op and first day "home"

Type of surgery I had..

First off, I should never doubt my friends support for our family. You guys made the hospital stay bearable.

Overall, I feel good for just having major surgery. Slow, very sore and still groggy. 

I am still on my liquid diet till Monday. We have that covered. It's very challenging for me to drink what I have. I have no hunger and no desire to eat. I just have cottonmouth and some gas.

On top of all this I hurt my knee- very minor scrape but, using my knees to position myself make it very painful. I also stub my pinky toe in the hospital on my IV cart. Bruised and bleed a lot.  So, if I could quit

My minor knee injury

injuring myself maybe I could start focusing on my stomach healing!!   Above in the picture in the incisions. (See I am keeping this real!). 

If you want to bring food for us- just bring enough for John and Lauren (2 servings max). Next week while I will be eating soft/mushy foods- I will be limited and I need to make good food choices..  Each meal I get 1/8 of a cup of two different things. So my portion sizes are way small. My first goal over the week is to work on getting plenty of protein and drinking plenty of water.. 

I am hoping I can quit pain meds tomorrow and once I am off of them then I can drive. I know that will not be today or tomorrow. So, perhaps driving Monday will be more realistic.  I am walking like an elderly person still yet.

NO REGRETS! Thankful to be on the flip side!

This time in between..

So, this week has been busy! I am working as much as I can this week so I can "tie up" loose ends while Lauren is at Camp Aldersgate next week. I love the support I am receiving! Friends, family, professional friends, my fellow "surgery" friends- I feel so blessed. Comments and private messages mean so much. 

To everyone taking time to read this blog THANK YOU!

My dear husband, John, started weight watchers this week. He is also blogging as he goes on this journey with me.  It's easy to feel inspired around him. By the way, he is down three pounds this week. 

My baby brother, Kyle, decided he was not going to be left behind when I confided in him this winter about my surgery. He has lost 56 pounds since January. He also started P90 x and he jogs a lot. What a real rockstar! 

Lauren and Mama Rho at Daddy's Band Concert

I am also spending my time figuring our the pre opt process. My friend Kate- encouraged me to take time to trust in God and lean on him during this time. So, she bought me a book to read and to encourage me along the way. Again my friends inspiring me during this journey of me becoming healthy!

The title of this blog is the special family.. My family is just that.. Lauren, our nine year old, has autism. She is a bright, happy and smart little girl. We met with her Developmental Pediatrician this week- who was blown away by Lauren's progress in the past 2 years. Some big achievements for her include totally potty trained, ability to ride in the car without a harness (and uses seat belt), follow through directions on cue, ability to communicate, express happy emotion, social skills and ability to connect with others and we could go on.. At Dennis Developmental her doctor says the improvement is astonishing. We have come along way. Oh and according to test she went from 18 months to preschool level.  

Maddie is ten! She lives at Arkansas Pediatric Facility in North Little Rock with a group of people who is like extended family.. Maddie has Sotos Plus along with a series of another crazy problems. Maddie has had a very rough year. Not sure exactly why - but, we are thankful for improvement. Again we have a great medical team who we work alongside every day. We nearly lost Maddie in February.. Thankful for every extra day God gives us with Maddie..

So, on the surgery side of life- I learn all this info this week. If all goes well- I will spend 2 nights in the hospital. After I am off pain meds- I can start driving.. I should be able to take daily walks every evening.. 

Together team- we will do this!!! xoxo

The last meal...

Wow. I was not prepared. I had no idea the day I opened up about my journey to my friends that I would get my surgery date. I also had no idea that once I found out about my surgery date I would be overwhelmed with this feeling.. It's life changing.. But, it's more mental than that... Like --well this is my last time to come to this restaurant so I better enjoy it.  Four times. Four times I have said that since Friday. I realized this last night after I was reading on some other forums and websites.. I am suffering from the last meal feeling.. Obviously-I do have a love for food. I am pretty nervous about the pre opt diet too. 

I spent 30 minutes on forums and blogs last night and dreamed all sorts of crazy stuff. I need to get a grip. Say a prayer for me and my anxiety. 

And don't worry, I called my therapist Patti- we are going to visit weekly for a while. :)

Weight loss seminar day

I am so thankful my husband is so supportive and loves me. We went to Dr. Fuller’s weight loss seminar- it’s the first step to weight loss surgery.  Have to say- it makes me feel better about myself after going there. I am not the only morbid obese person in Little Rock.  After some reflection from the previous blog.. I realized that all the work the insurance is making me do – is to make sure I am actually mentally prepared for this journey.  I learned a lot about the different types of surgeries. I will be honest I thought the lap band was right for me. But, after the consultation I realized I probably wouldn't be as successful with the band. According to research women who have more than 80 pounds to lose need to not do the band.  If I lost half of my body weight I would be what medical doctors consider healthy. 

 I think the gastric sleeve would be my best option. You can read more about gastric sleeve here. The final decision will be made with Dr. Fuller closer to surgery.