The last meal...

Wow. I was not prepared. I had no idea the day I opened up about my journey to my friends that I would get my surgery date. I also had no idea that once I found out about my surgery date I would be overwhelmed with this feeling.. It's life changing.. But, it's more mental than that... Like --well this is my last time to come to this restaurant so I better enjoy it.  Four times. Four times I have said that since Friday. I realized this last night after I was reading on some other forums and websites.. I am suffering from the last meal feeling.. Obviously-I do have a love for food. I am pretty nervous about the pre opt diet too. 

I spent 30 minutes on forums and blogs last night and dreamed all sorts of crazy stuff. I need to get a grip. Say a prayer for me and my anxiety. 

And don't worry, I called my therapist Patti- we are going to visit weekly for a while. :)

Decision Day Drama

Mondays are my day to go escape to my office and get work done. I get a call at lunch from my PCP saying my weight loss surgery doctor was requesting records from 2011- I wasn't seeing her in 2011. So, I sit down and send my doctor's nurse an email stating what doctor's I had seen in the past 10 years. Ended the email with Let me know if you need anything.  On my way home- I call her- leave a message. (Yes, I am crazy).

At 4:31 she emails that insurance is needing my weight from a medical professional in 2011. Oh and they need it by 5pm to re-review. Panic sits in. Have you ever called a dr's office after 4pm? Well, in 2011 I saw my gyn and I went to a walk in clinic. So, I start working phone and email. Hoping to get release papers to these folks in time so they will fax documentation. I was totally worn out by 5pm. I email my Dr's nurse "Ok. Just frustrating. Had I known I could have helped you with this. I just spoke to Kathryn and she is sending records from Feb and Dec 2011.  The Sherwood walk in office will only take release of information if its on their paperwork. So, getting to Sherwood (from Cabot) and to you by 5 would be impossible. You should have it in a few minutes. I am happy to help anytime if I know you need something."  <meanwhile, I was near Sherwood (25 minutes from my house- 9 minutes from my office) all day!!!>

She emails me back at 5:14 "The insurance company just called me back…. APPROVED!!"

Finally. 10 months. We have made it through decision day. 

Fat. Overweight. Morbid Obese. Fleshy. Portly. Stout. Pudgy. Rotund. Plump. Chubby. Big Boned. Voluptuous. Curvy. Full Figured Woman

Being Fat. Overweight. Morbid Obesity. Those are all phrases I am used to hearing. My weight hasn't really kept me from living life. I have lived a great life all while being fat.  Most of my family is overweight. It’s part of who I am. The term “morbid obesity” is what doctors call my condition. That’s right- insurance and all doctor’s office’s code me with those words. Ouch!!!!  Over the summer of 2012- I injured my back/neck for the second time since meeting John. I could hardly walk without excruciating pain. I went to see several doctors and it was determine that since I was blessed with a large chest- I was suffering from degeneration of the bones or joints of the cervical spine, causing disc herniation or bone spurs to form on my neck vertebrae. I was asked- why haven’t you had breast reduction surgery. I said well because I am somewhat proportionate with them. He said he could help me physical therapy but, it was time for a change or pain could get worse. That lead me to talk with John about our options to help me lose weight. We checked out a number of ideas (shakes, weight watchers, working out, fad diets and weight lose surgery). I finally went to my PCP to ask for help. She asked if I was planning on having kids. I told her that weren't stopping it from happen. And then before my eyes- I saw a look of terror. And she said in her most pleasant doctor’s voice: “Rhonda, I support you growing your family. But, you must lose weight first!” We talked about our options and she supported weight lose surgery. In my mind I thought Okay, maybe over Christmas break- I will do this.  

So, the journey began. 

Wow, I had no idea what I just decided to do.