goal setting/vision planning

Last year I shared with my husband one of my favorite "single girl" things.. A vision/action board. I got the idea from an Oprah show over 10 years ago. Basically you put some of your goals and dreams on a board and the board serves as a daily reminder. Hubby said we should do it. So we put some professional, health, personal, travel goals.. It hung on our wall and it was a good a visual.  We completed several goals in 2014 and felt like it was purposeful and intentional. Our children were healthier, we completed educational goals, we traveled to the beach..  

 Busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to. That's me. I am always busy- I was born busy... I don't want to talk about doing something- I want to do it..

Back to our vision board...  Dream about it, envision how you will realistically do it or get it done, and then get up and make it happen. This year we are focusing on our health, budget, travel and preparing to grow our family. We have sat down and talk about the plans and we are excited about the future. 

The year just started it's not too late to set some realistic goals and make a change. 

blogging in 2015.. a DO or a DON'T?

I have neglected my blog for 2014. It wasn’t on purpose. It just happened. Life happens. So, as I start another year I thought- is the blog dying or do I share with the world my next step in “Life after bariatric surgery”?

And I think that there is pros and cons to sharing a really personal experience with the world. I have found that I do in fact enjoy writing about the different experiences I am having on this journey- however I do not do well with admitting failure. I also like that when a friend is going through surgery I have blogged and shared the real deal- I promise you my memory is not the same as the experience that actually happened!!!  Ha ha!

Then I question what is my motivation in blogging? Accountability? Selfish reasons? Distraction from real life? Sharing my expertise?  To have meaningful conversation? Changing the world?  To be more popular? To serve as my personal journal? I believe the reason I blog is because I want to live a more intentional life. I want to inspire others. I want people to learn from my experiences.

If you are choosing to read this next part- I need you to read the rest of this post. Do not call my granny and tell her something untrue.

So, with the “ok” from my husband he has encouraged me to blog  from “bariatric surgery to baby”.  We are not pregnant. We are not even trying to have a baby (yet). We are simply prayerfully considering the possibility. We are actually preparing to become foster parent certified. 

It was strongly suggested that I get an IUD as birth control method when I decided to have weight loss surgery. Best decision ever.  They said you sex drive goes from blah to I am a horny teenager.  (They were right!!)

I have not felt the rush to have a baby but, reality is I am 35 and I am not getting any younger. John and I are completely content with adoption however, we feel that our window to have a baby is about to be open so we need to explore this option. If we get through 2015 and decide it’s not meant to be- we will be okay. God has a plan.

So, in this process of deciding "should we talk about having a baby"- we realized several things:

• 1.       Adderall and baby don’t mix so they say. (I love my Adderall.)
• 2.       I should wait 18 months post-surgery to have a baby. (In January, I will be at 18 months)
• 3.       I need to lose the rest of my weight and be stable before getting pregnant.  (somewhere between 40 and 60 pounds)
• 4.       I need to be nutritionally sound. (Be off nutritional supplements)
• 5    What are the chances of us having a special needs kid.. (We love our 2 kids but, we need to be honest with ourselves)

So,  I am addressing these 5 things in my upcoming blog posts. I met with a psychiatrist this week to discuss these plans. That was a great visit and hope to blog about it soon.   In the meantime, I have chosen 12/31/14 as the day to get my wisdom teeth removed. Therefore, blogging will have to wait a few more days.

 Be safe on this last day of 2014 and make the most of 2015!  In the words of Dolly Pardon: "You'll never do a whole lot unless you're brave enough to try."

Finishing what your started

I have been avoiding the truth. If I blog about it - it must be true.  Since returning from our spring break vacation I have been in a weight loss stall. Layman's terms "I am not losing weight according to the scales". What's wrong? Why is this happening? Is the weight loss done?  Am I giving up and a failure? 

I am reflecting on the past year. One year ago yesterday, I celebrated with co workers at a  friend's/co workers wedding. I like weddings that reflect personality and not "society's pressures"...  I remember the rainy wedding day and I was miserable and fat feeling. (Just being honest)..  But, Katie's wedding had Katie and Kyle's personality etched in the details. So, back on topic.. I am so thankful for my progress in the past year! I will not beat myself up over this stall... What's crazy is my body continues to shift or redistributed fat around. Some days a shirt I bought in March will be too big and other days jeans are looser than normal.  

Everyone says stalls or plateaus are very normal with any weight loss... While that doesn't mean I like them or appreciate them. The real deal is while I am experiencing this stall I need to continue to be focused and make good decisions. It's a new month and it's time to kick this stall to the curb....  I have read several helpful articles but, this article was really helpful.  I know I am wasting some calories and I am also getting laxed in my day to day eating. But, recently I read where a fellow WLS friend says that proper water intake takes time to build up. Duh. Why hadn't I thought of that? So, I am starting with small water goals and adding 10 ounces each day. I am also going to make sure I am eating better... I also plan to start back to working out with Josh my personal trainer D1. Hopefully, doing these things will put me back on track.    

I am probably 35 pounds from my next goal. I am ready to get there but, I know that it won't easy with my schedule for the summer changing. In the summer, I become a personal taxi driver for my kiddos and life is just different. So, there is where I am at with this journey of weight loss...

But, don't worry I am not finished with my journey and this verse reminds me of this...

 James 1:2 (MSG) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. 5-8 If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

understanding Autism

I like so many people would love to understand autism. I don't pretend to get it. As matter of fact, one mama wrote it best on her blog. Raising a hair-dryer kid in a toaster-brained world.. Go read it. It's a good read. 

I met Lauren (Our daughter with Autism) in 2011 and we were instantly buddies. She was living a rough life inside her mind and her heart. She was constantly living in Maddie's shadow. She felt abandoned. Maddie demands a lot of attention. So, when Lauren wanted attention she would pull out all the stops to get the attention. Another blog for another day. 

Rho and Lauren in 2011

I remember John telling me after my first IEP meeting that it was okay to be sad that these meetings are depressing and you lose some hope. So a few months later we meet with a developmental pediatrician- it was time to do IQ testing and such. That day in June was double depressing. Lauren tested at 16 months old. I remember doctor's referring to me as the "girlfriend". I was raising this child but, she wasn't mine. I had a peace that one day she would be mine (legally).  I remember Lauren couldn't even identify a balloon during the testing. Lauren was 7 years old. I told John that day- our kids are not stupid- these test set them up to fail. 

I was pretty angry for just a girlfriend. So, I began the journey I found the psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists and a new school all to help improve Lauren and Maddie. I studied and went to many conferences and kept an open mind.

We went through some really hard times but, we have seen progress and results.

Lauren is 10 and is attending 3rd grade. We have a psychologist we see when there are troubles. He is amazing and connects with Lauren. We see a psychiatrist who manages meds 3-4 times a year. He is also good at understanding psychotic meds.. We are also seen by the autism clinic at Arkansas Children's Hospital. While that clinic is exhausting they have been helpful. We also see a developmental pediatrician once a year.

Lauren with us at the Beach

She currently receives Occupational Therapy for 90 minutes and 120 minutes of Speech Therapy a week at school and we also opt to do another 60 minutes at Hippos and Fish in North Little Rock.
She has a Augmentative and alternative communication (AAC). People with severe speech or language problems rely on AAC to supplement existing speech or replace speech that is not functional. Special augmentative aids, such as picture and symbol communication boards and electronic devices, are available to help people express themselves. This may increase social interaction, school performance, and feelings of self-worth. Lauren is considered nonverbal.

Medication.. She has tried numerous meds but, she is currently on Risperdal (Since last fall we have cut the dose in half), Melatonin (We hope to go off of it this summer), B12 injections, CQ10. We recently stopped zoloft and added in B12 injections and life has changed for Lauren. She is happy. She is more verbal. Recently we had her tested and she tested at around preschool level. Read this line again... She went from 16 months to 4 to 5 years old in 3 years! Again the school caution me that these test are not a good measure for Lauren's smartness. Lauren connected a basket with a picnic. She associates the desert with cactus. She connects wheels with transportation. Yes, she is smarter than the test. 

Since the medication change she is taking responsibility at school- she is more social- she is more verbal - she is doing school work.. She is less angry... Life is good. I am so thankful for Lauren's progress.
My little Bensen is growing up and maturing. This child thrives in my care. I offer her love, discipline and treat her with respect and encouragement that allow her to grow. Yes, we still have meltdowns, the IEP meetings can be depressing and we still love Dora but, the progress we have made is nothing short of a miracle and I will take that. 

Lauren-Age 10

I am thinking about removing all Dora items from the house this summer but, then she shows interest in the preteen disney shows and I think maybe Dora isn't so bad after all.

Autism (with a capital “A”) to me, says that I accept Lauren wholly. I celebrate her differences and her quirky-ness. I advocate diversity. I try to empower her. I am proud of her successes, no matter how small they seem. I hopes she holds onto the compassion's she has in her heart into adulthood. I do not think she needs “fixing”. I am proud thats she is my "daughter", and sometimes I am humbled by that very same thought.

-Adopted Mama to Lauren